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Grimoire of Nornhoh

 

WARNING:  This is a Black Magic ritual.  Use by a White Magusí might result in him/her getting a date.

 

For purposes of tradition, the purpose of this ritual will not be stated anywhere in the text.  Oh, hell.  Itís a charm to get you a date.

 

For this ritual, you will need the standard altar and set of magickal tools.  You will not use them at all in the ritual, but you still have to have them.

 

I.                    Hail unto the splendour of Unexone, making the sign of Enachinurn Sitting (See Liber 3i).

II.                 Jump up and down 23 times.

III.               Sing the following random syllables as loudly as you can:  ďAh-Neh-Mal-Kooth-Veborath-Nehsooch-Lechemm-Geboth.Ē  For full power of the ritual, you must memorize these random syllables.

IV.              When your neighbours come over wondering what all the racket is about, explain to them that yes, you are insane, but itís all okay because no, youíre not going to kill their children.

V.                 Pick up the phone, phone the person youíre interested, and ask them out.

VI.              Make the sign of Enachinurn Laying (See Liber Pi).

 

At first contemplation, it might seem that the ritual would be just as effective with only step V.  You must not make the dangerous, neophytic mistake of only performing step V!  You are simply confusing cause and effect.  The effect of the ritual was to cause the effect of the ritual, not to cause the effect of the ritual.

 

As well, if youíve done the whole ordeal, you can rest assured that any failure is because you did the ritual wrong and are an incompetent MaguS, not because your crush doesnít like you.