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Study this studiously to find your path.  The diagram is the real, true, True, truE, One and only Tree of Life.  Well, at least of it’s one of them.  The GOD DAMN THING keeps changing!   Do you know just what the Sephiroth make us put up with?!  Not only do they often leave and die, but new ones keep coming into ExiSTenCE!  Here’s what the little buggers do behind our backs:

 

Malkut keeps shapeshifting and feeding each person some different random sensation.

 

Yesod, subconscious sexual energy, can’t keep his pecker in his pants and new baby sephiroth keep popping up all over the place.

 

Netzach keeps getting all sentimental and then goes into hiding.

 

Hod keeps deducing truths, but then ends up looking at Keter.  He then explodes, but later will start putting his pieces back together.

 

Tipharet has an ego complex. I’m not even going to comment further on him – he’s already too full of himself.

 

Geverah keeps killing the other sephiroth – says he’s just punishing them for breaking his laws.

 

Chesed is worse than Yesod, in terms of new Sephiroth being born.  She makes everyone love everyone else!  Why Chesed, why?

 

Binah keeps either engulfing the other Sephiroth, or morphing into others.  She’s just too insightful and understanding.

 

Chokmah generally stays in place.  BUT he keeps BLINGING ME with his light!  How am I supposed to see through that stuff?

 

Keter.  This one’s been a bad, bad boy.  I’m giving this one the silence treatment right now.

 

Even when the little balls keep in their same positions, they’ll change their spelling, which changes their kabalistic numbers, which changes the fundamental nature of the universe, because we all know the universe is moulded around and follows the relationships of the Kabalah. 

 

Know the tree well, and ye will know the all encompassing Truth.

 

Here’s how to know the tree intimately and learn its teachings:

I.                    Find a suitable tree.  You will know the right one when you see it.  If not, then do not worry.  You’re just an incompetent MaguS.

II.                 Create spheres representing the sephiroth and place them on the tree, in the correct order.  You must create the spheres yourself by hand!  Otherwise, you will probably have supported a big corporation, which our Disorder cannot endorse at this time.

III.               Hang the spheres on the tree.

IV.              Contemplate the tree for three years

 

If you have done the above, then you know Truth!  Oh, wait.  Truth just changed.  You’ll have to start over.  Or you can do the following:

V.                 Put the tree away until Christmas.

VI.              Retrieve the tree around Christmas time.  You now have a Christmas tree.