The Disorder Of Enachinirn has developed its own superior methods of attaining Samadhi, the indescribable bliss attained by surpassing the truth of enlightenment. Follow our advice carefully, for only our methods will lead you down the path to True Samadhi, as opposed to others which only lead to cheap, unpatented imitations of Samadhi.
First of all, you need to master a Mantra, a word that you will use for your meditation. Of course, the Disorder of Enachinurn knows you better than yourself, so only we can give you your personal Mantra. Phone us at 1-900-343-2393. We will spend a couple hours studying your personality and soul by visiting you on the astral plane. During this time, crummy pop music will play on the phone to keep you amused.
The Disorder Of Enachinurn goes further to meet your individual meditation needs than other organizations, and we will give you a personal Asana, a position for the body, as well as a Mantra. For your Asana, phone us at 1-900-343-2394. Describe your body dimensions – we will make a dummy replica, drop it off a twenty story building, and the position it lands in will be your Asana.
Now you’re ready to attain Samadhi! If your given Asana is impossible to attain without having broken bones, then you may need to break some of your bones. Next, think your Mantra over and over in your head. Eventually, the repetition will drive you crazy enough to let you attain Samadhi!
Note: Some individuals have reported results by simply sitting in a comfortable position and clearing their minds. This cannot be true, as it is not endorsed by the Disorder. And even if it is true, it is illegal - we have a patent pending on Samadhi.